i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
