Will you blow on my dice?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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