It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
