I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
