I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
