i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
