Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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