Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
