He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
