hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
