This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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