can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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