I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
