Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
