Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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