ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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