I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
