I just gift wrapped bread.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
