I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
