You smell like stripper and shame
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
