Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
