what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
