i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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