there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
