you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
