You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
