her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Swine flu is the new snow day.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize