Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
