I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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