My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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