My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
