Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
