First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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