I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
