I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
