I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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