whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
