filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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