I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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