She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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