hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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