dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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