I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
