this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize