WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
