Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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