How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
