I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
