guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This baby is an asshole
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
