I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
