dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
