Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I only lived at night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i think im in europe. pls send help
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