About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
