How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
