I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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