I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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