Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
