Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
