We won't sleep together?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
