why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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