I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
