I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
