did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
