Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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