I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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