Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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