I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
